I’m sure this is the same question that every newlywed is asked after their honeymoon (or something to this extent):
How’s married life?
Is living together very different/difficult?
And to be honest, it really isn’t all that hard for us. We weren’t fighting more often because we saw each other more often, and neither did we find it difficult transitioning into this husband wife arrangement, as opposed to the boyfriend girlfriend arrangement. Here’s why I think that, and perhaps this could be of some help for soon-to-be newlyweds, or just anyone really looking to move out with roommates/significant other.
- Chores: Kelvin and I already did a lot of chores when we lived at home. Although we didn’t do them all the time, we knew how to clean and to maintain a home and I think that can be quite a stretch for individuals that have been spoiled and haven’t had to lift a finger whilst living with family. When I was younger, I used to think my parents wanted me to do chores just so they could relax and read the paper. Although that might partly be the case, I’m grateful they taught me and made me do those chores because now I can take care of myself and my husband. The cherry on top is that Kelvin was brought up the same way so we both are able to do any housework required and we aren’t reliant on the other to always do one certain chore.
- Cooking: This is a big one! Kelvin and I can cook and love to cook. Therefore, we are able to cook meals for ourselves and not live off instant noodles or takeout. This also means we are able to save money by staying in and cooking. It also allows us to shop whatever is on special at the market and make a meal out of it. It also means that if one of us is working late, the other can cook and have a meal prepared for when the other gets home. This helps us stay healthy and maintain a healthy lifestyle, thereby making us feel happier in general.
- Personal Time: We now live in a 650ish sq ft 1 bedroom apartment which is by no means small, but neither is it large and spacious. We have come to learn to respect each other’s personal time. I know that sometimes all Kelvin wants to do is play video games and he knows that sometimes all I want to do is go on Pinterest and not talk. We’re cool with that and don’t pressure the other to get off whatever they’re doing to spend time together. After we are done with our personal time, we are fully able to devote our attention and time to each other and that’s so much better than half of someone’s attention.
- Cool, Calm, and Collected: Both Kelvin and I are somewhat laid back. It’d take a lot for us to get at each other in a screaming match. Kelvin was more laid back than me, but in the years we’ve dated, I’ve learned some of his techniques and it’s greatly benefited our relationship. If we feel ourselves getting anywhere near a “fight” stage, we step back and chat it out. I actually can’t remember if we’ve ever had a screaming match with each other because I know that whenever I get crazy-girl-emotional-upset, Kelvin is always there cool as a cucumber ready to talk it out and to calm me down. Most girls hate it when a guy tells her to “calm down” in the middle of a fight, but for me it’s a reminder to take a deep breath and just pause and gather my thoughts.
- Maturity: I think that people need to be mature and ready to move out or get married. I’ve seen and heard of couples that didn’t take their time to grow as individuals or to be mature enough to have the right mentality, and then they decide to get married/move out and it’s just hard. I’m not saying it can’t work, but it’s going to be a rougher road. For me, it was realizing that I’m not just responsible for myself, but I’m responsible for someone else, my husband, as well. I can’t just live however I want to because it’s not just my life anymore, it’s our life. Also, we are both independent adults that are able to fare on our own. We’re not the kind of couple where we are attached at the hip and needy for each other’s attention (mhmmm you know who you are!). We see our relationship as a give and take, not just a take take take.
Anywho, those are my top 5 tips/things to work on for anyone heading in the relationship/growing up direction. By no means am I an expert, but this is something that Kelvin and I have both observed that have worked for us. It’s not one of those, it really depends on the individual tips, but something general enough that we feel everyone should have some firm grasp on. Heck, we could even call these some basic life skills you need.
Until next time, have a great weekend!