Whether you’re a working mom, a stay-at-home mom, or some combination of the two, you’re doing great and never let anyone tell you otherwise. I’m coming to realize that there is so much mom guilt that really is unnecessary. Just as with parenting; it all depends on what works for your family. As long as your little one is fed, happy, and taken care of, you do you.
Pre-baby, I was certain that I would return to work. But inn my first year of motherhood, I seriously second guessed myself. I’m not going to lie, the first year of being a mommy was so incredibly difficult and mildly traumatizing to me that I had days where I had no clue how I was ever going to balance working and home life again. I didn’t think it would be possible since I was already feeling exhausted after a day with Lily and I remembered how exhausting teaching was. But then I also had amazing and nearly perfect days with Lily and I just couldn’t bear the thought of being away from her. But, I was also aware of the reality that we live in Vancouver and it’ll be more stable if we have dual income again. I also felt that I should work because our parents were so willing to take care of her and I realize that not everyone has that luxury.
Ultimately, I decided to go back to work. I always figured that if it was too stressful or what not, then I could go back to being a stay-at-home mom, but I wouldn’t know until I gave it a try.
Guys, I love it.
Yes I do feel pretty tired by the end of the day but I feel so much more alive! I’m grateful that for my work I teach 3 hours a day plus prep time it’s maybe 4 hours of work-work. So, I’m at school in the mornings and by the time I commute back home, it’s about 2-3pm and that’s when I pick Lily up from either my parents or my in-laws. I also squeeze in half hour workouts three days a week and it’s been going great so far. I feel like I’ve gained back a bit of my old self that I felt I lost in the flurry of motherhood.
The thing with parentings is that effort doesn’t always yield results and that was such a defeating feeling on those shitty days with Lily. But at work, for the exception of the rare troublesome students, a well thought out lesson usually yields a great and engaging lesson. It also is great being to use a different part of my brain and to engage with coworkers in meaningful conversation; As opposed to my “conversations” with Lily.
But when I am home with her, I am more present and feeling less resentful of the situation. I cherish the cuddles and moments even more because I can even more that this current phase in her life is so short. I’m more okay with her having fits because I feel like I’ve taken care of myself and can now take better care of her.
For our family, this is what works. For others, it may not. Whether it be childcare, health status, or whatever it may be, each family has their own personal reasons. Bottom line is that it all depends on your family and there is no one right way doing mommyhood and I hope that we can all give each other more grace and understanding when it comes to the choices we make for our family. I’m sure we’re already hard enough on ourselves and we don’t need another voice making us feel bad for the decision that we made.
Sending lots of love to all my fellow working moms, stay-at-home moms and everybody in between!