My mom used to say this to me as a child. Back then, I used to think it meant I was a bad friend because in my teenage brain, a good friend stayed with you through the good and bad. Now, I better understand what my mother was trying to teach me with her years of wisdom and here’s what I’ve come to learn.
Some friends will stay with you all through your life but there may be varying degrees of closeness. This could depend on life stages or a result of where you live. Just because you aren’t as close as you used to be, doesn’t mean the value of that friendship is any less. It also doesn’t mean that you won’t be close again in the future. I’ve learned that for myself, I’m actually quite terrible at keeping friends if we don’t live in close proximity to each other or see each other regularly.
It was so easy in high school and university because I saw my friends every day at school or twice a week at church. But when we all started working and some left the church, we actually had to put in effort to plan dinners and hang outs. I’ll be the first to admit that I was absolutely terrible at this once my first daughter was born. I was completely enthralled in parenthood, exhausted from the sleepless nights, and just in my own little world trying to figure things out. It also doesn’t help that I’m mostly introverted and when given the choice of going out or curling up on the couch with a good book, I’d choose the latter.
Only when my husband and I started emerging from Babyland that I started reflecting more on my friendships, past and present. The friends I had in my 20s are a little different from the friends I have in my 30s, and that’s ok. I’ve grown apart from some and grown closer to others and I think it’s all very normal. Birds of a feather flock together and for me, having kids changed my world. I didn’t have the energy or time to go out late at nights anymore and I needed community with other mothers that could relate to the tantrums, feeding struggles, and sleepless nights.
Now, I appreciate having some friends that don’t have kids because it’s nice to not have every conversation revolve around our kids. But the bottom line is that my girls and my family are my world and so much of what I love and do revolves around them. It’s also important for me to have close friends that have the same faith as me so that we can be accountable to each other and lean on each other in the hard times.
4 years ago, I was very sad that my bridesmaids and best friends in my 20s weren’t my best friends then. Today, I’ve come to accept that this is part of life and friends come and go. For me, I got married and had kids early and that changed and made me who I am today. Today, I’m so grateful and blessed to have a handful of women that I know I can turn to when we need to mourn and pray together or when we need to celebrate with joy! I honour the friendships I had in the past and continue to maintain them while also celebrating the new friendships I’ve developed and will continue to nurture and grow.
I think this is what my mother meant when she shared those wise words some 15 years ago. Have any of you had a similar experience?
Thanks for stopping by 🙂 .