Choosing Each Other

Marriage is beautiful and fun but it can also be frustrating and hard. My husband and I attended a virtual marriage conference some months ago, hosted by FamilyLife Canada, and they said something so simple and true.

Relationships naturally drift apart. It takes work and commitment to keep it together and to grow.

Similarly, I’ve been reading Mindset and this is another related quote. It’s by John Gottman, a relationship researcher:

Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension… between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.

This is true of the high school young love relationships, friendships, and of course long term committed ones. But especially when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s so easy to drift apart. It’s slow but then one day you look around and realize things have changed so much.

From my experience, having kids really does that to a relationship. It’s why I always tell my friends to not have kids to try and save a marriage. In fact, if a marriage is suffering, having a kid only amplifies all the existing conflicts.

But back to how it affects your marriage, having kids puts you on survival mode with your partner. Those sleepless nights and tiring days wear away at your patience and soon you end up fighting about something that used to be so trivial. As the kids grow up, you go on auto pilot as you go through the daily motions of meals, drop offs, school, extra curriculars and what not. It’s so easy to lose intimacy and become roommates because you’re just so exhausted from the day and being the peacekeeper between the fighting kids.

So, from my experience, the first step to keeping your marriage on the right track is to choose each other Every. Damn. Day. It’s making a conscious choice to invest time and effort into maintaining a relationship. It’s making time for date nights or quality time spent together. It’s openly communicating with each other when there is conflict. It’s remembering your partner is not the enemy, especially when you’re in conflict. It’s believing that you, your partner, and your relationship are capable of change and improvement. It’s choosing to grow together. It’s about supporting each other through the rough times and a million other things.

Especially now, with COVID and we’re all at home more, take care of each other.

Thanks for stopping by ❤️.

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My First Full-Out Toddler Tantrum | Lessons Learned

We’ve experienced small, minor, brief tantrums with our little one. They last no more than 10 seconds and can be easily cured with a cracker or some fruit. But tonight’s tantrum was different. It lasted from the moment I said “It’s time to take your bath” until I gave her her bottle. It felt like an eternity but I think realistically it was half an hour. It felt like Murphy’s law was in play.

So our roommate got a bouncer for their little one and while their little one was in it, Lily wanted to play with her. They were playing along nicely and then I told Lily that it would be bedtime in 5 minutes. This is when all chaos started.

The whining and crying began and it was a struggle to carry her up the stairs from the living room to the kitchen area. In the kitchen, her cries and screams got louder and louder and she tried to pull me towards the stairs. Each time I said no, in a very calm voice I promise, she would cry and scream louder. I calmed her down briefly but when I got up to grab her bottle of milk, she started up all over again.

I had to fireman carry her up the stairs and began to draw her bath. Just as you guessed, she kept crying and screaming more and more. She settled down a little bit when I started undressing her for her bath but all hell ensued again when she peed all over the bathroom floor and before I could pick her up, slipped in it. She didn’t hit her head or fall too hard, but it was startling enough to set her off again. I held her for 5 minutes and realized the bath wasn’t happening. I nixed teeth brushing too because I couldn’t put her down and she had to have her head on my shoulder.

So I take her into her room and try to dress her because I figured she’d be cold. Just getting that onesie on was a struggle! Then I realized what would make everything easier, give her her bottle. So I did, and she calmed down enough for me to put her diaper on and dress her.

Thankfully the rest of the bedtime routine went smoothly but oh my god was it a gong show.

So here are some things I realized after reflecting on it some more:

  1. Always have a distraction ready. Whether it be bubbles, stickers, or a snack. Have them in every room. I think distractions would have calmed her down quicker but in the moment when she screaming so much, I couldn’t think straight to grab her fruit.
  2. Do not let her see any new toys, even if they aren’t hers, before bedtime.
  3. Staying calm helps your sanity. I felt myself starting to tense up and get angry but I caught it and told myself to slow down. It didn’t make Lily any better, but I’m sure that if I got angry, she would have gotten worse.

If you have tips for dealing with toddler tantrums, I’d really appreciate it! Thanks 🙂

Where are they?

Jackie Chan - Entry level job listing "required experience: 2+ Years"Exactly how I feel at the moment. I’m not sure if I’m not looking at the right job sites or what but it seems like there are no listed “entry level” positions for HR in Vancouver. Anything that even comes close to an entry level position requires  all applicants to have at least 2 years experience. I’m so confused as to where I can get this experience?!?!

One of the reasons I endeavored into Rosy’s Bake Shoppe was because of my frustrations with my co-op experience. I applied for the co-op program at UBC, got in, but missed the first hiring cycle because I was on exchange. That one miss on my part, seemed to impact all my future co-op applications very negatively. Given my first co-op interviews weren’t my best, but I was so frustrated when the only feedback I would get from my co-op advisor was that “you did great in the interview, but they just want someone with more experience”…uhhhhh isn’t that what co-op is for?? Same thing for entry level jobs, aren’t they supposed to be for new grads that may not have experience??

Now in my Pivoting post, I explained why I chose to put the bake shop on the back burner and how I was interviewing for a HR job. Sadly, I have to update you and say that I was not chosen for the position due to the fact that I didn’t have enough experience, but I otherwise met all requirements. I don’t want to rant because that doesn’t help, but more out of curiosity… does an entry level position for HR even exist?

I will keep searching for this mysterious entry-level HR job, but in the meantime I’m looking into other options for work. I’m exploring any possible opportunities in marketing or event planning since I think I have my fair share of experience in both. With marketing, I could try out sales, since I worked retail sales for quite a few years. As for event planning, I’ve been planning events at church for some time now and I think that experience, albeit unpaid, is just as valuable and credible. I really don’t know what’s going to happen in the near future and I surely have no idea what God has planned for me but I 100% trust in Him. I’m just super antsy to know what’s going to happen!

Hopefully this can be of some encouragement to those reading and sharing in the same frustration. Know you’re not alone in this! Explore other options that may not be what you went to school for and try to leverage your strengths that you may have developed outside of a formal education. Read lots, my reading now is the $100 Startup by Chris Guillebeau, and try and appreciate this free time you have now. Although you’re not making money, it’s ok. Go out and spend time with friends and family because you know that once you get that job, you’re going to be hustlin’ and it’ll be harder to find time to spend with friends and family. As for me, it’s lots of reading, some job hunting, but mainly wedding planning!

Have a great Monday everyone 🙂