Choosing Each Other

Marriage is beautiful and fun but it can also be frustrating and hard. My husband and I attended a virtual marriage conference some months ago, hosted by FamilyLife Canada, and they said something so simple and true.

Relationships naturally drift apart. It takes work and commitment to keep it together and to grow.

Similarly, I’ve been reading Mindset and this is another related quote. It’s by John Gottman, a relationship researcher:

Every marriage demands an effort to keep it on the right track; there is a constant tension… between the forces that hold you together and those that can tear you apart.

This is true of the high school young love relationships, friendships, and of course long term committed ones. But especially when you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it’s so easy to drift apart. It’s slow but then one day you look around and realize things have changed so much.

From my experience, having kids really does that to a relationship. It’s why I always tell my friends to not have kids to try and save a marriage. In fact, if a marriage is suffering, having a kid only amplifies all the existing conflicts.

But back to how it affects your marriage, having kids puts you on survival mode with your partner. Those sleepless nights and tiring days wear away at your patience and soon you end up fighting about something that used to be so trivial. As the kids grow up, you go on auto pilot as you go through the daily motions of meals, drop offs, school, extra curriculars and what not. It’s so easy to lose intimacy and become roommates because you’re just so exhausted from the day and being the peacekeeper between the fighting kids.

So, from my experience, the first step to keeping your marriage on the right track is to choose each other Every. Damn. Day. It’s making a conscious choice to invest time and effort into maintaining a relationship. It’s making time for date nights or quality time spent together. It’s openly communicating with each other when there is conflict. It’s remembering your partner is not the enemy, especially when you’re in conflict. It’s believing that you, your partner, and your relationship are capable of change and improvement. It’s choosing to grow together. It’s about supporting each other through the rough times and a million other things.

Especially now, with COVID and we’re all at home more, take care of each other.

Thanks for stopping by ❤️.

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